Most first-person accounts of survivors of spiritual abuse come from people who experienced direct abuse from a key leader in a Christian organization, such as the women who testified to experiencing sexual and spiritual abuse by Ravi Zacharias. Carson Weitnauer’s story of spiritual abuse had different roots.
His testimony is that of a loyal insider at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries (RZIM). He had been a devoted follower of Ravi Zacharias from the time he had a personal conversation with him as a teenager. Carson had known only good from Ravi, who influenced his Christian journey in very positive ways. He was thrilled when offered the opportunity to serve on the staff of RZIM ministries, where he served for 7 years. He describes his work at the Christian ministry as core to his sense of identity; it was his community, gave him his sense of purpose, and was where his faith and spirituality thrived.
However, after Ravi’s death, allegations from several women that Ravi had abused them became public. Carson began to read news stories, ask questions, seek the truth, and eventually to advocate for the women. He consequently experienced what he describes as “lies, bullying, and spiritual abuse” from others in the RZIM organization.
The first portion of the presentation is about the process of wrestling with cognitive dissonance as he sought to determine what was true, and then about being disillusioned twice: first by Ravi, as Carson came to understand that Ravi was an abuser, and then again by RZIM– the ministry where Carson had served and whose integrity he had trusted . As he says in the presentation: “In September 2020, I lost my confidence in Ravi. By December 2020, I lost my confidence in RZIM. And in January of 2021, I resigned.”
The second portion of his presentation is what life was like after he choose to believe the truth and it cost him what seemed like everything.
Throughout, Carson allows the viewer a poignantly honest view into his thinking, the intensity of his emotions, and the impact on his spiritual life.
The patterns of behavior Carson at RZIM experienced are predictable–whether the precipitating issue threatening the image of an organization involves allegations of sexual abuse or other types of allegations. At Chapel Hill Bible Church, for instance, there were no allegations of sexual abuse.
For those who have been through a similar process: moving through initial cognitive dissonance, the pain of the truth, and then embarking on a journey of recovery, whether at Chapel Hill Bible Church or elsewhere, this presentation may in many ways give voice to your own story and offer some useful help on your journey to recovery.
For those who are congregants at Chapel Hill Bible Church or bystanders elsewhere and wonder why certain elders, staff, and congregants left or why they felt compelled to speak out, this may help you understand.
*Timestamps & content overview
These timestamps have been created for your convenience so that you can quickly find a specific portion that you are interested in.
Cognitive dissonance
1:10 The beginning of cognitive dissonance about the leader, Ravi Zacharias.
10:55 The turning point : facts reported by trusted news organizations + empathy for the victims
11:50 Feeling a responsibility to act because he’d defended the wrong party: his leader and the organization rather than the first known victim, Lori Anne Thompson.
12:08 Cognitive dissonance begins about the ministry of RZIM as it prioritizes loyalty to Ravi and self-protection above all the values the ministry had previously espoused.
13:23 The danger of asking questions
14:50 [ An aside from the chronology. He speaks here about flashbacks and how he copes with them]
The aftermath
21:16 The overwhelming aftermath of resignation. Carson shares candidly and clearly the flood of emotion and confusion and pain that is the aftermath of a separation from a Christian organization.
The uneven journey of recovery
22:46 The uneven journey of recovery begins. Things that were helpful:
- The role of the body in recovery: going to the gym and sauna
- Counseling
- “I shared my story with friends at church and I told them the same story 100 x and they listened and listened and listened….” (24:37)
- Reaching out to the first victim –whom he’d taken sides against– and truly apologizing. She became a friend and a source of healing, wisdom, & care.
25:40 The journey of dealing with his spiritual life, beliefs, and relationship with God
27:35 The arrival of an NDA
29: 55 “Accountability for Christian leaders is for anyone who gets in my way; it’s never for my friend who has done something wrong.”
30:10 Flashbacks & more on emotional and spiritual recovery.
32: 49 Choosing who he wanted to be going forward
33:00 Lies, bullying, and spiritual abuse
34:40 Reconciliation with his former line manager who reached out to him and “over and over again, he made really sacrificial choices for my benefit. And that rebuilt trust that he kept doing sacrificial things to repair our relationship.”
36:26Honesty with God and with each other about our pain is the way to hope.
